Uther Camdragon approaches Merlin about a dream


Uther approached the great wizard. “I’m confused. Last night I had a dream in which a blue hippo fought a white hippo. The white hippo was killed and it made me sad. What does it mean o great wizard?”

Merlin stared deeply into his eyes, burning to his soul and said “Ah. The Blue hippo represents the European Convention on Human Rights and the Human Rights Act. The white hippo represents your predicament.”

“What predicament is that?” cried Camdragon, red in the face and in his bald spot, “I know of no predicament! I rule these lands with 24% support from the general population!”

“Your predicament of on the one hand needing to commemorate the 800th anniversary of the Magna Carta which is associated with the beginning of human rights and on the other hand your desire to scrap the Human Rights Act.”

“Oh that! Yes, what the hell can I do about that? Boris keeps telling me I’m looking like an enormous tool over that. He’s always ribbing me.”

“It’s complex. Mystical. Some call it magic, Camdragon.”

“Tell me Merlin. Give me the powers!”

“Oh alright then. But don’t blame me if it comes back to haunt you. You must go to your peoples’ bed chamber and ravish them with a British Bill of Rights. I will make it look similar to the Human Rights Act. Fuck them. Fuck them hard. Leave them as satisfied as possible and then go. If you can add an Act about extremism laws at the same time they might be stupid enough not to notice.”

Then a great fog descended on all of Albion and Uther Camdragon and his Knights rode off to the bedchambers of the people who saw only the Magna Carta celebrations and a British Bill of Rights before it was too late.

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